Moral Dilemma

It was on 9th of November, 2011. Until today, everything was fine according to me and was going as planned. I was without a job for 40days now, enjoying my sabbatical and my cousin had come down from Muscat. Tomorrow, they were to leave and something happened. It was in the morning around 9:30 and I was sleeping. I woke up to find my aunt talking to mom about what my other aunt had told her. She started suggesting me to come and work in Muscat/Dubai and seemingly her words were intended to convince me. First thing that hit me was, leaving everything behind. I was in a fierce overwhelming fight within myself, it was something I couldn't put forth to them in words. For me, the thought of leaving India, Music plans over here, my to-be-formed band with Veljon, My bike, My friends, Hrishi and others, Everything came in front of me. It was tough! Until now, I was interested in Music as a whole, still wasn't sure of how I plan on approaching it. I wanted to become a Musician but was too late for me to start it. Also, considering I'm from a Conservative South Indian family, my parents were quite open-minded but sadly our relatives weren't. Their constant pestering lead my parents to narrow it down on me. So, I was considering working in a studio to have a steady source of income and simultaneously do something about Music, may be learn some instrument besides Guitar since I already knew how to play it and have been in Guitaring for the past 7years.

My cousin, he tried to convince me from his side, said I could be in touch with all of them(friends). "Friends are always there. They're not gonna get you a job." Those were his mighty words. I secretly knew, he was right, but still I could never do that. To that point, although my thoughts were like building a castle out of sand as far as everything was concerned, it came to a moral epiphany. I am the guy who'll be there for my loved ones. For me life wasn't all about focussing on one aspect in particular. It was more of trying to strike a balance between all the things surrounding me. That isn't an easy task at all! Akila and few other newly made good friends, we barely got to meet. I was caught up with this dilemma as of what to do? Should I leave them behind and be like others who go abroad to work their ass off to earn a lot of money? Moral Dilemma. My eyes were on the verge of tears with the very thought. My aunt cajoled me saying, I could earn enough money, working in Muscat/Dubai, get my parents over there to stay with me. Then after 5-6 years, I can go to where my cousin would be, probably United States, and pursuit my Sound Engineering course of whatever. I don't know. I was close to having a paradigm shift in my life. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what was gonna happen. So, I never respond to aunt's words and just left the room and the topic came to a lull.

Until that evening, something really good happened. All these while, I was pushed to the limit too many times and I wondered what to do. It was about time that some great driving force emerged from within and suddenly, I was more certain of what I want to do now and how to go about it. Things became more clear w.r.t my short term plan. I'd decided to stay in India and pursuit my Studio career without going abroad. By far, the most important and great decision that I took. I knew for a fact, what I'd decided would definitely work out. How can it not? I'll make it happen. I will. That was the time I was content and sort of like found "Inner Peace".

This post is basically to remind myself in future supposing the times get tough, as to what made me choose this life in the first place and how I started it all.